Movie Review: The Love Guru

I have to say, I found it impossible to love "The Love Guru." The movie was very juvenile, unintelligent, and rather "punderful." I've got to say, I expected to be some like "You Don't Mess With the Zohan," a stupid movie, but the good kind. Unfortunately, I found out otherwise. Zohan at least had some intelligence in some of its jokes (courtesy of Judd Apatow), and it was so unbelievably zany that I could look past its stupidity. Unfortunately, "Love Guru" had none of the qualities. Usually I like Mike Myers movies, no matter how bad they were. But this... there was no way I could appreciate it.

PLOT
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The plot centers on the Guru Pitka (Mike Meyers), a Guru who specializes in helping people with troubled relationships and self-help, but despite his success, he is only considered the second best, following the Guru Chopka. He hopes to get a fame boost by helping out a trouble hockey star named Darren Roanoake (Romany Malco), whose wife is together with rival hockey star Jacques "la coq" Grande (Justin Timberlake) when he is hired by the Toronto Maple Leaves' owner Jane Bullard (Jessica Alba) and coach Punch Cherkov (Verne Troyer). As he tries to help Darren, he realizes that he is bettering himself because, as he puts it so blatantly "my greatest student became by greatest teacher... or some bullshit like that." It's basically like any self help movie: he tries to help someone, falls for a woman, does something wrong and tries to make ammends, which results in a victory for himself and the others that he tries to help. I don't mind if it had been done before... I just want it done well, and other movies have done it better, like "Analyze This."

COMEDY
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As I said, the humor is pretty stupid and juvenile, lacking ANY intelligence that would make these jokes funny. I will admit, some of the jokes made me chuckle, but that's about it. It was more based on the delivery rather than actual humor. Jim Gaffigan and Stephen Colbert were sportcasters, who delivered their lines perfectly, which actually got me to chuckle as often as I did. As for the humor itself, as stated, they were incredible juvenile. They were basically sex puns that you'd hear fellow high schoolers throw about each other. Others were jokes that were trying to get laughs through shock value (one of them almost succeeded too, getting me to scoff and chuckle in one run). So long story short... the humor is meant for the young and stupid... and I was surrounded by the young and stupid apparently.

OTHER NOTES
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I've got to say, this was truly the most disappointing movie I've seen since Epic Movie. It wasn't quite as bad (I LEFT Epic Movie), but it was close. If it wasn't for the intermittent chuckles it gave me, I WOULD have left. I was also disappointed by the wasted talent that was in this movie: Mike Meyers, Stephen Colbert, Jim Gaffigan, Romany Malco, etc. There was one truly redeemable thing about this movie: the music. Hearing sitar and guitar renditions of some of my favorite tunes such as "More Than Words" or "The Joker" was entertaining. I found myself singing along to them and smiling rather happily. All I can say is that you need to avoid this movie unless you like completely idiotic humor. If it wasn't for some decent delivery from some actors that gave me chuckles, and an outtake with Troyer that made me laugh (that's right, an outtake was the best part of the movie), I'd say the movie was one of the worst movies ever made... actually it probably is.

Score: 1.5/10

Movie Review: The Strangers

I understand what this movie was going for: the actual feel of terror that's based on mood, not by cheap shots. Well, it attained half of its goal. Throughout the movie, I felt that it was creepy, but not necessarily scary. Then again, the level of fear that's effective against one person isn't nearly as effective against others. So, I'll go point by point, and maybe that'll make a better understanding of what I felt.

Plot
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Couple of lovers who are apparently having a rather stressful day go up to a remote home, although under different circumstances than what was planned. Everything seems alright until a girl asks for someone that doesn't live there. Soon, the girl obviously comes back with others to bring havoc to the couple who try to find a way to outwit and escape their stalkers. Pretty generic, but serviceable. For those of you who want a comparison, think of "Vacancy," except with motives with as much meaning to it as "The Hitcher."

Acting
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I will admit for a horror movie, I was impressed. I found the acting from Tyler and Speedman to be very believable. As stated by some others, they acted like they were truly frightened and panicked. It felt like they really were being stalked by a bunch of psycho's.

Mood
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As I stated before, it constantly has a creepy mood to it. Sound and visuals are used in the appropriate place to set the mood. However, despite it actually being creepy, it was never actually SCARY. I found myself sitting in my seat calm and serene as I watched the movie play out. I suppose the reason it didn't really feel scary was because the movie felt predictable. Sure, I got a few shock jumps, but it was easy to see it all coming: when and where a person was going to jump out from, would the couple be alright by the end of the movie (I will say this, the beginning kind of gave you an idea, but even then, another moment with that ending felt predictable), etc. It just wasn't anything new, and therefore, I had no reason to be scared. I will say though, there WAS an instance that I definitely found surprising, and it was probably one of the more effective parts of the movie. I'm not gonna say much, but I will say a friend was involved.

DIRECTION
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These characters were given tight direction that resulted in a well paced, and intelligently acted (no pun intended) scenario. The actors were never idle and were always moving around the right way based on the scenario. They acted accordingly and intelligently in a situation that could have been deemed threatening or otherwise... of course, that's just my opinion. Also, I would have to say this would tie in with the mood, as it definitely kept the creepy mood going. However, it seemed that Liv Tyler's character was forced to do some rather... well, "curiosity killed the cat" actions that came right out of a teenage slasher flick.

OTHER NOTES
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I have to say, as a first try by the director/ screenwriter, he did a very good job in trying to break free from the traditional "horror" movie. However, despite intentions of trying things new, his efforts fell flat. It seemed like the movie tried a bit too hard and ended up feeling like your usual horror film. It's a little hard to describe it. All I can say is that despite trying to do something different, the director didn't do it the right way. It eventually became extremely predictable, relied on jumpy moments to deliver the scares (and as I said, you could see them coming), and felt like it eventually turned into another typical horror flick. It's good for a single watch, but after that... well, it's best to leave it alone.

Score: 5 out of 10